In the world of dating and relationships the two pillar concepts are Hypergamy and Sexual Market Value (SMV) discrepancy.
While they are closely related, understanding the nuances between them is crucial for anyone looking to navigate relationships effectively. Let’s delve into what each concept means, how they interact, and explore scenarios where they might diverge.
What Is Hypergamy?
Hypergamy refers to the tendency, particularly among women, to seek out partners who are perceived as being of higher status, resources, or overall value.
This instinct to “marry up” or choose someone who offers more in terms of social, financial, or emotional standing is deeply ingrained and influences much of human mating behavior (as society evolves or “devolves” how exactly hypergamy “comes out in the wash” may continue to evolve).
Satisfying hypergamy involves a man consistently proving that he is a better option than what the woman could find elsewhere. This doesn’t necessarily mean being the richest or most powerful person in her social circle; rather, it’s about maintaining a frame where she perceives you as superior in the areas she values most, such as ambition, confidence, leadership, and resource provision.
Understanding SMV Discrepancy
Sexual Market Value (SMV) is a measure of an individual’s desirability in the dating market, influenced by factors like physical attractiveness, social status, wealth, and personality. The discrepancy in SMV refers to the gap between your SMV and that of your partner.
In many relationships, particularly where hypergamous tendencies are in play, the man’s SMV is ideally higher than the woman’s, ensuring that she views him as a prize worth winning.
A man with higher SMV generally offers more in terms of status, resources, or protection, which can make the woman feel she needs to “earn” his commitment. This dynamic often keeps the relationship in balance, as the woman remains invested and the man retains the upper hand.
The Intersection and Divergence of Hypergamy and SMV Discrepancy
While satisfying hypergamy and maintaining an SMV discrepancy often go hand in hand, there are scenarios where they can diverge.
1. Satisfying Hypergamy Without an SMV Discrepancy
There are situations where a man can satisfy a woman’s hypergamous instincts without creating a significant SMV discrepancy. This typically occurs when the man meets specific needs that the woman highly values, even if their overall SMV is similar.
Examples:
- Complementary Strengths: The man and woman may have similar SMV, but the man excels in areas that are particularly important to her, such as emotional intelligence, ambition, or leadership. He may not be drastically “above” her in all aspects, but he fulfills her hypergamous desires by being exceptional in those she cares about most.
- Shared Goals and Values: In relationships where both partners are aligned in their life goals, the man might take on a leadership role that satisfies her need for security and direction. Even without a significant SMV gap, the woman may perceive him as the ideal partner due to his role in guiding their shared vision.
- Resource Provision: A man might provide financial stability or other resources that fulfill her hypergamous tendencies, even if they are otherwise equally matched in attractiveness or social status.
In these cases, hypergamy is satisfied not through a large SMV gap but through the man’s ability to meet specific desires or needs that the woman values highly.
2. SMV Discrepancy Without Satisfying Hypergamy
Conversely, a man might have a higher SMV than a woman, creating a discrepancy, but still fail to satisfy her hypergamous instincts. This can happen if key elements that trigger her hypergamous desires are missing.
Examples:
- Lack of Ambition or Drive: A man may have a higher SMV due to his looks, status, or wealth, but if he lacks ambition or the drive to improve, he might not satisfy her hypergamous instincts. She may feel that despite the SMV gap, he’s not “going anywhere,” making her seek fulfillment elsewhere.
- Emotional or Intellectual Mismatch: Even if a man has higher SMV, if there’s a lack of emotional connection or intellectual compatibility, the woman might not feel her hypergamous needs are met. She could be left feeling unfulfilled despite the SMV advantage.
- Perceived Stability vs. Excitement: A man with a high SMV might be seen as stable but unexciting. If he doesn’t offer the emotional intensity or adventure that the woman associates with hypergamous fulfillment, she might not be fully satisfied in the relationship.
In these scenarios, the SMV discrepancy exists, but it doesn’t translate into hypergamous satisfaction because the elements that trigger her hypergamous instincts—like leadership, ambition, or emotional engagement—are lacking.
While these concepts often overlap, they are not identical. A man can satisfy hypergamy without a large SMV gap if he meets specific needs that the woman values, and a high SMV doesn’t guarantee hypergamous satisfaction if other critical factors are missing.
In modern dating, the balance lies in recognizing these nuances and ensuring that both hypergamous tendencies and SMV dynamics are addressed. By doing so, a man can create a relationship where the woman feels both secure and challenged, keeping her attraction and investment strong.
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